I was stunned. Many people wish they could live forever. I wish I could live forever. But, if God grants this wish, what do I live for? My life will be meaningless when the people I love have gone. Really.
Maybe God won’t let us live forever because most of us don’t have aims in life. We just live this life, go with the flow. Maybe people in modern days live shorter because people lose their hopes gradually. Maybe Prophet Adam lived for a thousand years because he had aims, he had missions, he had many wonderful things he wanted to do. Maybe God just gave him more time because he had more wishes. He had more good things to do.
And us? What do we live for? What do I live for? Am I really living or just going with the flow? Oh, no. I will do heaps of things. I have a lot of things I want to do. There are plenty of things I haven’t done in life, like… Travel around the world, meet R2-D2, get married, see the Northern Lights, find at least one thing each day that makes me happy and record it for a year, and more… and more…
Things like these bring back memories. It’s like I’m taken to two years ago, when my Grandma passed away. I whispered to her right ear, “Grandma, I promise. I will make you proud. I will.”
I will live my life to the fullest. It gets shorter everyday, you know.
Two days ago, I learned that there is some people who only want to have me, who only wants to make me one of his possessions; but he’ll never really be there by my side.
Yesterday, I learned that we, teenagers, don’t grow up together. Some of us grow up earlier, some of us grow up at the perfect time, while the rest grow up later.
Today, I learned that there are some good guys who want to be there by my side, without even thinking about making me one of their prized possessions. There are some guys who stay there whenever you need them, whatever you say, whatever you do.
Ever heard about Enda Nasution? He is often called as “Bapak Blogger Indonesia”, as Jurnal Nasional reported. I personally admire himself and his writings. I’ve started blogging since 2004 and I had never heard about him. The first time I saw “him” was on a national newspaper which published an article about Indonesian bloggers. Since then, I drop by to his blog regularly, like what I did today.
Aaaand, I found something wow. Something awesome!
He posted a few sentences about my community, The Cure For Tomorrow, which is really great. Too bad Aisha is in the US already so I can not tell her about this ASAP. I’ll have to wait until she wakes up :P
I wonder… How do you really declare your independence? I have a story about how did I handle today, and its correlation with independence. It’s going to be long. Here goes.
I’ve always thought that I am an independent person. I love socializing and am an easygoing person, but I tend to do works by myself without any interruption from anyone else. I prefer studying and watch movies by myself so there won’t be any other person who might ask, “Who is she? Who is he? I don’t understand the movie. Could you please explain it to me?” when I really want to concentrate on the plot, the cinematography and all. I can be optimistic, at most of the time, meaning I can do it by myself everytime I’m on my own. But sometimes, to be honest, I feel lonely. Really. I befriends with the internet and movies, warm showers and swimming pool, but I don’t interact with human beings well. I do interact with them, but sometimes, my smiles are fake, my laughs are weird. I was never really, “happy”.
While today, I went to school early for a flag ceremony. There were some silly competitions, such as balap karung, makan kerupuk, nangkep belut, tarik tambang, bola daster and bakiak. The type of games ou’ll find on the days like these :D I was “happy” (fake). A few minutes later, I found myself being alone and feeling lonely. Really. Very lonely. I went upstairs and watched people yelling and laughing (and happy) on the basketball field, while I am alone upstairs, almost crying. I don’t have anyone to talk to because for students in my school, I am the type of person whom always happy. To be true, I’m not. Not even close.
I went downstairs and sat somewhere, about 1-2 meters from the flagpole. FYI, the flagpole is the place where some popular kids would sit down and watch the games, laugh when silly things happen and so on. I think I am not one of them, and will never them. I’ve tried everything I could just to fit in. Not to be one of them, but to fit in. To blend in. To be invited to the school parties, to be invited to the evening walks in Kemang or Senopati. I want to have my own version of highschool madness. I could not. In a few minutes, a friend named Karin grabbed my hand and force me to sit beside her around the flagpole. The sadness disappeared. I could blend in, I could fit in, I really did :)
I’ve always wanted to join the Independence Day convoy. It’s like a tradition in my school to hold a convoy of vehicles on the 17th of August after the ceremonials in school are done. Awalnya saya nggak tau mau naik mobil siapa, but then Karin decided to drive her own car and let me join her.
The convoy was tiring but A-WE-SOME! Really. I was very happy yesterday. There were, like, 30 cars and 50 motorcycles, I had lost count. We drove until Gatot Subroto, Kuningan, Semanggi, Setiabudi, Bundaran HI, Permata Hijau, Pondok Indah, Blok M. It was really great, though I had to get off the car when we were in Pondok Indah and took a taxi home :D
I might say I was really happy. And I think that’s the most important thing in our lives. Are we happy?
Anyways, I read the blog of Wisnu Aryo Setio, or simply Iyo on http://simplyiyo.com. He’s 14 and he’s famous because of his blog. The way he writes is similar with the way Enda Nasution or Wimar Witoelar writes. He’s very smart, I think. Blogging is a way for him to declare his independence. Writing his daily life and his thoughts in a genius way. Well, I started blogging when I was 13, so, he’s not that “awesome” from his age. But from the way he writes, he’s wonderful. You should check him out. He inspired me to write this thing. :)
A second “anyway”, I’ve decided to categorize my writings. I’ll write my daily life in this blog, whether you like it or not. Daily life means unimportant things, personal stuffs and nonsense. Meanwhile, I’m going to post my movie reviews, fun stuffs, links, websites, etc etc etc on my other blog, LACUNA. Please, please do visit it.
Thanks heaps to Class of 2009 for the awesome day, especially Karin who saved my day twice, and Uthie for providing the photos soon enough by uploading them to Facebook :D
I miss you. The most is when you meet your pillow and bed, you start to act like a child. I start telling you bedtime stories. No, it’s not about romantic stuff, it’s not about us. We talked about it not for long, but it’s always about any kind of movies that we have watched or a song that we have heard or a quote that we have read. Then, somehow, the time moves very fast. If only I could stop the time.
2 hours passed. Whoahm, I’m very sleepy, are you sleepy? Yes.
Then we end our conversation. But I still miss you.