Today was a bit empty. I went to SSC this morning, I had a test to determine which major should I take for college. Spent all day long at home, called my boyfriend and surfed on the net. My family and I went to the mall and I walked straight to the bookstore to buy some pens and an eraser. I didn’t want to see the books anymore, actually. No money, honey.
But then I decided to take a look. I really want to read Dee’s Rectoverso or Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. I got no money, Dee’s book is very expensive and I want to read the English version of Lolita, not the Indonesian one. I walked through the bookshelves and wanted to find Into The Wild on true stories bookshelf. I found Fajar Nugros’ book instead: My Girlfriend is My Favourite Actress. I bought it.
courtesy of sutradarakacangan
There is my name on the acknowledgements page, I’d love to thank my brother for that. Fajar treats me as his long lost little sister, so, vice versa. He’s not the type of person who pampers his loved ones. He doesn’t spoil me with words or even his behaviour. But, I assure you, he makes me strong. In my harsh days, everytime I was down I always texted him, and his replies show that he wants me to reach my dreams, to break the barriers, and the most important of all… he has faith in me. He has always believed that I can do this, I can do that. Just like one of my favourite quotes from Walt Disney:
“If you can dream it, then you can do it.”
He also used my name as a character’s name in one of his stories. It’s the reason, the beginning of every conversations we had. It was the start.
me & Fajar – preparing for Bunuh Diri Massal :)
Just like other brothers out there, he has negative sides also. He annoys me a lot sometimes. Just like everyone else, he thinks that I’m a little child, therefore he loves to make fun of me, geez. The hell with it, he’s one of my inspirations. He’s always sleepless and he’s proud of that habit. He works all day and night long, even in his holidays, or when he was ill. He is the line producer of Doa yang Mengancam, he directed Dilarang Mencium di Malam Minggu and Mati Bujang Tengah Malam. He also wrote the story of Si Jago Merah and has published 3 books: Buaya Jantan, Cara Pinter Bikin Film Dokumenter and what I bought today.
I didn’t want to write about him, actually. It flew through my fingers on this black keyboard. What I wanted to share was…
I hate going to bookstores. I am envious. I used to see an orange book, with my name on it, being put in one of those shelves. I want to see another, and another, and another. But yeah, my latest manuscript was rejected by two publishers, I know that it was not good enough. I want to have the time and the guts to write. I miss reading comments about my writings. I miss seeing my book being placed in one of those shelves. I miss Googling the title of my book. I miss those little things. I am becoming less and less creative right now.
Will you see my book in one of those shelves in one or two years? I hope so. :)