Everything Changed


2009 was an eventful year for me. Indeed, it was. A lot of things happened, and all of them left a great impact in my life. I turned 18, and I think I grew up. I used to think that being a grown up is sad. I am a person who believes that being a child is somehow magical, and childhood is the best stage in our lives. When I was a child, I was not that happy. I had to witness the things any child would never have to see. Last year, I experienced some things that anyone would never experience. The good and the bad ones.

In 2009, I learned so much. But sometimes, when it’s too much, you can’t handle it, because the cup is full and it can’t contain.¬† Yet, I have always needed someone who could contain me. I had one.

Ever since university started, I have changed, into something I don’t know yet exactly. And I am not really happy about that.

For someone as Pisces as I am, it feels funny to be so rational about things. I now rarely use my feelings. Using my brain and mind would be enough, using my logical intelligence would be enough, using the rules would be enough. I keep my feelings somewhere else, for it to be safe, for it to be untouchable. I don’t know when I would want to open the treasure chest again. Because¬† something in it is broken, and I desperately need a glue, or an ICU to make it fixed, to make it healed.

I am trying to steal my old-self back, from something I don’t really know what. Well, we all have to admit that change is the only constant thing in this world. People told me that “change is good”. I don’t feel the same.