Have you ever had a problem that keeps coming back to your life? I think we all have. At the beginning, I did not know why a problem should happen over and over again in someone’s life, but now I start to understand.

On the early weeks of 2012, I had been conversing a lot with a very dear friend. We met back in early 2009 when we started Indonesian Youth Conference together remotely as he is studying in Australia. We have gone through a lot of things during the short span of friendship. We frequently argue on tiny to big things and sometimes end up not talking to each other for awhile. Nevertheless, we stay friends until now, and we discuss a heap of things, especially about life, love, and most of all: the problems and lessons in both of them.

image source: weheartit.com

He taught me a very fascinating concept of “learning our lessons”, which I think should be shared. He told me, that whenever we are unable to solve a problem that comes in our lives and take the lessons we should learn out of it, the problem will keep coming back. Not to mention, when it comes back, the “size” would be much bigger than before. The problem will keep coming back because it forces us to learn the lessons it brings. For example, if we fail a course and did not learn the lesson on why we failed the course in school, someday we might fail on another course, big time. 

Sometimes some of us decide to run from a problem, instead of solving it. But, would not it make things even worse? I can not imagine having the same problem coming into my life twice, let alone a bigger one. Most of the time, we can run but we cannot hide – because problems come to our lives to be solved. Problems come to our lives to teach us a lesson. They might be our “teachers”. Yet, what’s the point of attending a course if we do not learn from it? The difference it, this “course” comes in our lives voluntarily yet it must be attended and completed well, unless we would like to retake the course over and over again in the future (which would not be pretty, really).

I have problems in my life. I am sure most of you too. The question is: are we ready to learn the lessons? Even better off, are we ready to share the lessons learned? :)

If you do not mind, kindly share your “lessons learned” from the problems you faced. It must be a hard time for us when it happened, but I am sure as now we look back, everything seems make sense and necessary. Everything will be beautiful in the right time and the right place, indeed. Have a lovely weekend!

In the past weeks, I have been dealing with somewhat tough days. I am aware they might not be as tough as yours, but well, I must say I had been having a hard time to undergo my days. By any means, I believe I am currently amid the adjusting phase in life. I am adjusting and adapting to a new environment with new activities, surrounded by new people. No one can deny the fact that dealing with change is usually difficult, but it is necessary. Nonetheless, I dare say that anyone should be able to get through such thing, including me.

We technically spend each second in our lives growing older. Although most of us do not realize so, growing older is inevitable and it keeps happening, including in my life. I think God has been finding ways to teach me plenty of lessons for me to be a stronger individual. Because change, breakdowns, disappointments, are inescapable but also indispensable. That way, the best way to confront them would be to take the embedded lessons. After all, problems are just vessels carrying lessons we should absorb and learn from.

Source

And to this moment, I have learned that:

In life, we can’t trust anyone, but we sure can believe in some, and have faith in all.

Most people are not like how they seem on the surface. People who are socially awkward or always challenge our ideas might be the truest friends we could have in our lives. On the other hand, people who keep calling us “dear” or “babe” might just say them as a lip-service, and probably say them to every single person they meet.

Some people are plastic. You know. And will forever be plastic. Nothing more.

We need to live a balanced life. It probably should be a “work hard, play hard” for us young people.

Although we could always draft resolutions and set goals for the future, the present is also important thing to be thought about and, of course, enjoyed.

It is always better to have few true friends than tons of fake ones.

One day, our best friend’s life might be hanging on a thread… On that moment, we just have to be with and for them, however difficult it might be or seem.

When somebody talks about us behind our back, it means we are significant to them, if not important.

I am sure of the fact that as we grow older, for every second in our lives, we are going to learn new things. These things are going to help us sail through the sweetness and bitterness of life. The challenges we face everyday. The feelings we would like to manifest. The dreams we would like to turn into plans and then history. Amidst of them all, some people are just going to step in and try to ruin everything, but we just have to keep on going. For this is our life and our journey. For everyone else is going to come and go; but the bests are going to definitely stay for as long as they could. For this life is meant to be wholly enjoyed.

In a sunny afternoon in September, I ‘crashed’ to Andra Alodita‘s house and had a looong chitchat with her! I don’t know much about photography, but I’ve been adoring her, apparently since I was still in high school (by that time, I did not know her name but I love her works).

After I talked to her, I fell in love with her personality too. I think she is such an inspiration, and might be yours too. She agreed to take pictures of me and we did it all in her room and backyard. It was such a lovely afternoon.

Feel the love and inspiration from this amazing woman, Andra Alodita, right from her online ‘home’.

All photos by Andra Alodita. Make up & hair do by Marlene Hariman & her assistant.

Dress: Primark’s Atmosphere. Present from my big brother. ?

Top: Andra Alodita’s
PS: It’s IYC trophy over there. All speakers had the privilege to own one of those.

Dress: p.a.n.g. A gift from p.a.n.g’s founder, Inda Pangemanan.
Accessories: Andra Alodita’s 
Go to www.panglook.com to get your dress too!

Through photography, I would like to convey that “ordinary” things can be beautiful if we love them, and especially, if we appreciate them. The leaves, our hands, anything in this world — especially the ones that are God’s creatures, have emotions. I would like to express that small things around us are mesmerizing if we are willing to see and to feel more than we usually do.” – Andra Alodita

On October 7, she has just celebrated her birthday. Happy birthday. I wish all your dreams come true, and I wish you would have a long chance to spread courage to others, as well as positivity, and creativity, too.

Thank you for reminding me to fall in love again. Not only with a particular person, but also with what I do, with what I have, with everything that surrounds me, and with God, Andra Alodita.

One of Bruce Lee‘s films, Game of Death, was being screened on a national TV – and then I tweeted right away, “Why is Bruce Lee so hot?”. Apparently it triggered a question to come from my fellow Andreas Arianto – a talented young conductor, as if he did not really believe that I think Bruce Lee was hot. To be honest, I don’t know much about his “martial arts” side of life – what I know is that he invented Jeet Kune Do and taught a lot of successful martial artists. He was also an actor, and accomplished tons of things in his relatively short life.

One of the things that attract me the most when I see a man is his intelligence, yet I think Bruce Lee is one of the most intelligent and wise male public figures I’ve ever read about. He inspires me a lot through his words, his legacy.

He’s said a lot of things, but here are my favourites – the most inspiring ones:

If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them.

He always emphasises that we must not limit what we do. This quote has made me stop limiting myself. I now think that I can do everything I want – if I really want it, and work hard for it. It made me accomplish loads of the things I could never thought about!

I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.

Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory.

The key to immortality is first living a life worth remembering.

Since the first time I read this, I began to shift my mindset – that I have to make a life worth remembering. I have to create moments I would never forget, do great – awesome things! Don’t you agree?

Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not you go out and look for a successful personality an duplicate it.

This quote motivates me in a way that the most important thing is to be myself. There are a lot of people who has role models and would like to be like them. I could never, ever find a perfect role model for myself – but now, I know why. All I have to do is be myself, and be a good self, become the best of myself. If I have faith in myself, I would be able to do anything.

Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless – like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.

One of the most important things in life is to be flexible and adapt well.

Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind.

Real living is living for others.

So true. If I only live for myself, I am not living.

As long as I can remember I feel I have had this great creative and spiritual force within me that is greater than faith, greater than ambition, greater than confidence, greater than determination, greater than vision. It is all these combined. My brain becomes magnetized with this dominating force which I hold in my hand.

If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.

Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.

If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.

I think this is the main reason why he was able to accomplish a lot of things in his 33 years of life. It keeps me smiling whenever I am busy (and tired) – because I know that my exhaustion would be all worth it. I am not wasting time at all.

To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities.

This one’s the most powerful one to me. I don’t really believe in circumstances. If I want something, I have to make it happen. I have to help myself accomplish it. I have to do something instead of waiting for something to come and get me.

Knowledge will give you power, but character respect.

To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person.

Emptiness the starting point. — In order to taste my cup of water you must first empty your cup. My friend, drop all your preconceived and fixed ideas and be neutral. Do you know why this cup is useful? Because it is empty.

Yet again, a different perspective from Lee. Most people think that a cup is only useful when it is full… But then, when it is full, we cannot do anything about it, right? I think Lee wanted to emphasise that we have to be humble if we’d like to learn something, so our teachers and peers would be able to fill more and more knowledge into our brain,

Life is wide, limitless. There is no border, no frontier.

The sentence that made me name my blog as: “Eliminating the Limits”!

I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.

We live for others, yes. But, I think we have to live up to our expectations instead of others. This is something I frequently face – people expect too much of myself and I don’t want to disappoint them. This quote made me think a lot about it, and now I think I can at the same time live up to people’s expectations as soon as I have live up to mine.

Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough: we must do.

Can’t agree more with this one. Most of the time, we only know and we are only willing to do something. It’s not enough. It’s useless. We have to apply, we have to do.

Learning is never cumulative, it is a movement of knowing which has no beginning and no end.

I think Lee’s concept of learning is simply beautiful.

The measure of the moral worth of a man is his happiness. The better the man, the more happiness. Happiness is the synonym of well-being.

Happiness is a state of mind!

To grow, to discover, we need involvement which is something I experience everyday, sometimes good, sometimes frustrating.

C’est la vie. That’s life. Shit happens – and that’s okay. I think we need both good and bad things to learn about something. And I personally think that we learn better when we have to face the “bad” ways.

Even today, I dare not say that I have reached a state of achievement. I’m still learning, for learning is boundless.

See the spirit? This mindset is something that has made him successful. We must not be satisfied in any kind of way in order to learn. We would stop learning once we think that we are successful already.

What IS is more important than WHAT SHOULD BE. To many people are looking at “what is” from a position of thinking “what should be.”

I gotta keep this in mind. I often see “what is” from a position of thinking “what should be” – and I start becoming unrealistic, selfish, egoistic, individualistic, obsessive. I have to change it – because “what is” of course is more important, it is something that really exists.

—

Sorry if it is short and not that insightful, but I do hope that more and more people would be inspired. As Bruce Lee once said, “We are the students of life.”

Care to share who is your role model? :)

Kemarin, saya menerima komentar dari Cut Naila, tapi rasanya tidak cukup jika dijawab di Comments. Menurut saya, mungkin komentarnya mewakili banyak pemuda Indonesia, sehingga harus dijawab di sini :) Terima kasih banyak.

Wow, your thoughts are one of a kind ! Salut, I fully appreciate it. Masalahnya, gak semua anak muda punya prestasi outstanding spt kakak yg bisa menunjang karier kedepannya.

Nah, ini mindset yang perlu diubah. Prestasi seseorang tidak diperoleh karena keberuntungan, melainkan karena keinginan, kemauan, dan kegigihan untuk mencapainya. Prestasi itu suatu hal yang bisa (dan harus) diraih. Jujur, membaca ini, hati saya merasa tidak enak — seolah-olah apa yang saya peroleh semata-mata karena “kebetulan” saya memperolehnya. Tapi, tidak seperti itu. Saya, maupun orang lain, memperoleh sesuatu karena jerih payah, karena keinginan, karena harapan.

Gak semua anak muda itu jago dlm hal-hal diluar akademis spt berorganisasi dsb.

Semua orang memiliki bakat, baik di bidang akademis maupun non-akademis. Yang tidak memiliki bakatpun bisa berprestasi apabila memiliki kemampuan. Ambil contoh, teman saya Yoris Sebastian, ia (dan saya) percaya bahwa creativity is a habit – kreativitas bisa dibangun, dan dilatih. Itu bukan sesuatu yang kita dapat dari lahir. Dari kecil, Yoris merasa tidak kreatif, tapi ia melatih dirinya karena menjadi kreatif itu penting. Di usia 26 tahun, Yoris menjadi General Manager Hard Rock Cafe, tanpa mengenyam pendidikan di bangku kuliah. Jika kreativitas saja bisa kita tumbuhkan di dalam diri kita, mengapa kemampuan berorganisasi tidak bisa? Orang sesukses Steve Jobs, ketika lahir pun ia sendirian, tidak punya atasan maupun bawahan, tidak punya partner kerja, tidak punya teman setim, sama seperti kita semua. Kemampuan akademis dan non-akademis bisa dilatih – kalau kita mau. Yang jadi masalah adalah… apakah saya, kamu, kita mau?

Gak semua orang cerdik dlm nyari kesempatan spt kk.

Kesempatan tidak harus dicari, tapi bisa diciptakan. Bruce Lee pernah berkata, “To hell with circumstances, I create opportunities.” Saya sangat setuju dengan hal itu. Jika belum bisa menciptakan kesempatan, sisihkan uang kurang-lebih Rp5000,-, pergi ke warnet… Ada alasan mengapa sebagian orang menganggap bahwa internet adalah salah satu teknologi terhebat yang pernah ditemukan. We can find almost any information we need there, including opportunities. Jauh lebih baik jika bisa dimanfaatkan untuk mencari kesempatan kan dibanding hanya cek Facebook atau Twitter?

Gak semua anak muda berkesempatan untuk memilih langkah downstream.

Kembali lagi – kesempatan selalu ada. Kesempatan untuk memilih upstream, downstream, atau bagaimanapun kamu menyebutnya. Saya kurang mengerti definisi downstream kamu ini  apa, jadi maaf jika responnya kurang jelas juga.

Gak semua anak muda punya talent luar biasa spt leadership skill dll untuk dibanggakan dan jadi modal besar.

Seperti yang sudah saya katakan: Kemampuan harus dilatih untuk menjadi ada, didukung dengan kemauan. Jika menurut kamu saya memiliki leadership skill, sejujurnya, saya merasa belum menjadi pemimpin yang baik. Tapi, saya mau belajar, supaya nanti bisa jadi pemimpin yang baik. Kita semua sedang belajar, kok. Bahkan, Richard Branson, Stephen Covey, juga pasti masih belajar.

Sehingga, banyak dari anak muda ini, termasuk aku, yang masih perlu ambil langkah mainstream spt kuliah di univ negri, milih jurusan kedokteran, ekonomi, teknik, dll,,, untuk mensupport masa depan. Belom lagi kalo ada tuntuan dari segi finansial keluarga ( contoh : anak pertama perlu biayain adik, dll).

Seperti yang sudah saya tulis di post saya, saya juga anak pertama yang harus membiayai adik, karena itu saya pilih mengambil beasiswa di universitas swasta karena jatuhnya lebih murah dibanding di universitas negeri.

Dan dlm kenyataannya, walaupun sekarang udah banyak yg mikir kalo jurusan mainstream ini oldschool bgt dan gak happenning lagi, masih banyak kok anak muda yang berminat sama jurusan2 mainstream ini.

Tentunya. Buktinya saya dari SD sampai SMA (bahkan mungkin sampai sekarang), masih terobsesi untuk kuliah di Fakultas Hukum UI. Saya sudah mencoba sebisa mungkin, I did my best, tapi tetap tidak diterima. Tapi, itu tidak berarti saya akan memiliki masa depan yang buruk, atau mengecewakan orangtua. Saya percaya, kita semua bisa “make our marks” melalui cara kita masing-masing.

Kalo dipikir2 lagi, oke, indonesia masih butuh sineas2 idealis yg semoga lebih aspiratif daripada anggota dpr, indonesia masih butuh public-figure2 yg bisa bangkitin nasionalisme kita, indonesia masih butuh seniman-seniman sebagai dengan segala kritik tajamnya yang membangun bangsa,,, tapi sebagai suatu negara masih butuh ekonom yang mastiin kas negara nggak amburadul, masih butuh dokter-dokter berbakat yang bersedia mengabdi untuk sesama, masih butuh insinyur-insinyur yang bisa bikin plan-plan di semua sektor dengan sistematis dan realistis.

Setuju. Itulah mengapa, jurusan paling most wanted tetap Manajemen, Hukum, Komunikasi, Kedokteran, dan lain-lain. Ada ribuan orang yang mendaftar untuk jurusan tersebut. Kalau kamu bicara sineas, IKJ masih menjadi salah satu universitas negeri yang least wanted, karena stereotip yang orang berikan terhadap kampus tersebut. Walaupun begitu, kita lihat prestasi sineas Indonesia. Walau Indonesia cuma punya satu sekolah film yang menyediakan gelar sarjana, kita memiliki sangat banyak sineas berbakat dan film-film yang menang di festival-festival internasional. Alhamdulillah.

Personally, aku berharap banget kedua dunia downstream dan mainstream ini bisa kerja sama saling mengisi biar Indonesia lebih baik. Bidang downstream majuin bangsa dgn cara kreatifnya sendiri dan gak lupa ngasih kritiknya buat yang kerja di bidang mainstream. Bidang mainstream membangun negara dengan prefosional dan gak lupa ngedengerin input dan masukan positif dari bidang downstream, juga ngejamin ‘keberadaan’ bidang downstream ini ;) hopefully Indonesia di tangan kita, anak muda, bisa baik dengan cara seperti ini ;)

Aku sejujurnya, pingin bgt kerja di bidang journalism, fashion industry, dan creative industry. Aku juga minat bangett sama ekonomi makro mikro dan alhamdulillah baru diterima di akuntansi ui. Makanya tadi waktu baca postingan ini agak gimanaa gitu. Agak takut. Karena awalnya aku pingin bgt masuk ui bukan semata2 karena kebanggaan, karena aku pingin ngambil ilmu, memperkaya diri, di tempat dengan sumber daya (yang dinilai) terbaik di negri ini. Kayanya, ujung2nya balik ke orangnya masing-masing apakah dia bisa menemukan dirinya yang terbaik di tempat dia berada. Rite ? kalo nyaman di univ, negeri, insyaAllah kita bisa sukses. Kalo nyaman di swasta, insyaAllah kita pasti bisa sukses juga ;)

Selamat ya, diterima di Akuntansi UI! Hebat sekali. Ada banyak orang yang sudah diterima UI/ITB dan mengeluh kesulitan. Kalau sudah diterima dan kamu memilih UI, go for it. Janji pada saya dan diri kamu sendiri, kamu tidak akan pernah mengeluh maupun menyesal ya :)

Masalah “sukses”: Nggak kuliah juga bisa sukses. So, no worries.

Hopefully, we can explore ourself to the maxx and lead this country to a better future, Indonesia’s future is on OUR HAND !!! ;)

Thank you, soriii kalo ada yang berseberangan kak ;)

You’re welcome.

I am back on my own now: writing with my own fingers, seeing the world with my own eyes, listening to things with my own ears. Just me, and only me, and I think I’ll be fine. I have changed a lot. I used to be a hopeless romantic… hell, yes. But, now? Not anymore. I think it’s about time to start being realistic about everything in life, because life is not a fairytale, it’s not even a book. Let God writes the story–I think God is much better in us in terms of everything, including writing. And God writes real things, and I have to adapt with that.

I always have a hard time of letting something be. I have these dreams, these goals, that I really want to achieve. When I know that I can achieve it, I have to achieve it, no matter what. With one person, I already had those dreams. They are gone now. I have to let them be. And don’t ask why, because I did not want this either, but I have to let it be.

Maybe you have read the story… but well, if you are curious, my life is not that beautiful, and my life is not that good. I am just a human, like you. I am trying to make a difference, I am trying to make a betterment, in myself, in my surroundings, in my world. I want to be inspired, and I want to inspire others. Which is why, I have to be seen as a strong, wonder girl. I have to be seen as an inspiring person. I want to have an impact in the society, no matter how small it is, but I want it to be a good and remarkable one.

Emotionally, yes, I have lost something–one of the things that I used to admire the most. It left… with a reason that I personally could not explain, and still can’t.

I magically believe that God has a great reason of why this is happening, and God has a cool plan for me. I will just have to sit back, relax, enjoy life… right? I am back on track already. I am living my life to the fullest… without the goggles for a while. :)

Something terrible just happened to me, and there are a lot of things I would like to share with you. I have learned a lot more about life now, about love, about relationship with others, about friendship, about relationship to myself, and even about relationship to God. I want to share. Really, I do. But maybe, I need some time alone, a quality time for myself. I’ll write soon. I promise.

Don’t forget to press play… well if your life is now paused.

And one more thing, my friend just said this to me:

“The Almighty One only has 3 answers for your prayer: “Yes / Not now / There’s a better option”. Keep that in mind.” :)

Hope all is well.

“Alanda, where do you go to college?” is the question that I avoid the most.

One month ago, I had to face a difficult situation. At the same time, I become the only person who has ever received a full scholarship from Bina Nusantara International University. I also received admission fee reduction from Universitas Multimedia Nusantara and I got accepted in University of Indonesia to study Criminology. How lucky, right?

I had the yellow jacket in my hands already. My parents were incredibly happy that I got accepted into that uni, so were my family and friends. They were proud, they congratulated me. Everyone thought that I must be smart that I have succeeded in getting into that uni. But hey, I got accepted because the major I chose were not as popular as Management or Communications. I once thought, “If I were meant to study in UI, I’ll get it on SNMPTN.” And apparently, Alhamdulillah, it did happen.

I have spent my days in UI for a couple of weeks when I felt like there was something really, really wrong and I don’t know what that is. I met the most brilliant and opinionated people from all across the archipelago, I had a very big campus! I was going to study in the campus that is desired by everyone, with pride. Why can there be anything wrong? Moreover, I chose the major because I was interested in the courses. My plan: in 2010, I am going to go for another round of SNMPTN. I’ll get into FHUI.

Now this is ridiculous, but I always cried whenever I met anyone from FHUI. They ate my heart, my dreams. I tended to daydream whenever I passed FHUI. I felt so stupid. That was why I made my pledge. I had to get into FHUI, whatever it takes.

Suddenly, another thing ate more of me. I found out that even if I got into FHUI in 2010, I would not be able to change my major and transfer my grades. I will need to pay another 20 million, another OBM, another OSPEK, I will have to start from scratch. But, what for? My family is not that wealthy. I have little sisters who still need to obtain their basic education. I might seem “okay” financially for you, but to be honest, I still cannot pay my tuition fees by myself. If next year I still have to pay another 20 million to reach my dreams, well it’s an investation. But, I know my capacity. If we can’t, I don’t think we have to force ourselves, especially when it’s related to other people.
I finally realised that there will be no turning back. If I pay UI tuition fees, I will have to study there. Four years. Graduated from Criminology. Work in the criminology field.

Thus, where shall I put my dreams? Should I wash them away?

I missed my dreams. I missed my old activities. Everything was too campus-centered and I could not help it. There were department gathering, faculty gathering, batch gathering, alumni gathering, OBM, and courses. It was worse than high school. Yet there, you’re nothing but a number. UI people won’t know you. You will graduate and enter another jungle.

I somehow became afraid that I won’t be able to grow there. There is this fright I cannot explain. I was afraid that I would lose my activities. I was scared that I was going to lose the things I have built for years. I was scared that UI will take one piece of my UNO Stacko and destroy it. Only for OBM and OSPEK, I had lost a lot of opportunities, the opportunities that would mean a lot for my life. Do you think they would know what you do and achieve? No.

So, that day, on the first day of OSPEK, I went to UI with my dad. I already wore the white-and-white uniform and the leaf nametag, saying that “I have to do this”. I turned back at the Psychology Roundabout. You know what I did next? I WENT HOME. Someone told me to go home. It was not a devil. It was my heart. Somehow.

I tried to cool my head when I got home. I assessed both uni for multiple times. I talked to successful people I know, from Sitta Karina, Yorgi Gusman, Fajar Anugerah, and my friend Ghian, to seek a path. Where should I go, actually? They know me well and they are successful in their own ways.

I prayed too. I asked God, what should I choose? My heart has chosen the international university, actually. Though I actually wanted God to say “UI” so I could make my parents proud, see me graduate in Balairung from UI… God said Binus too. Or maybe, God only said what rings in my heart. So, I did tell my mother that I wanted to go to Binus International, in tears. My mother said yes, though she was pretty disappointed – she graduated from UI after all. But I also promised her that I am going to be a successful person, and I will send my sisters to school.

So, what’s with Binus International? Here are the list to encounter your negative comments:

1. I got scholarship there. Financially, UI is more expensive than Binus International. I want my sisters to get a better education than I did, and I will not let my parents pay too much for my education and abandon them. My sisters are going to be successful people. They are much smarter than me, I suppose.
2. BI has international curriculum. So, if I got into Harvard or Oxford (yeah, right), it will be easier to transfer my grades with the same curriculum.
3. Every lectures are delivered in English and some of the lecturers are expatriates.
4. I’m going to learn International Business there, become a social and creative entrepreneur, create jobs, and build a school. That’s luxurious enough in my opinion!
5. By studying in BI, I would be able to choose: study for 1 year in Cologne Business School to get double degrees, or study in UNSW (one of Australia’s ‘The Big 8’), Solbridge (South Korea) or University of Wollongong (Dubai). To be frank, I am more interested to study there instead of UI. So I can bring heaps of things home, so I can have different skills than the ones who studied in UI, UNPAD or ITB. Remember, UI has millions of graduates. Who knows that I might be able provide different perspectives and solutions from them? Indonesia needs diversity and dynamics.
6. They got Masters Track Program, so I will hopefully to finish both Bachelor and Masters Degree in 9 semesters. Amen.
7. BI appreciates what I do and they are very supportive, both morally and materially. They give students to space to grow academically and non-academically.
8. I can still continue my activities outside the campus because the lectures schedule are more flexible and there are no unimportant gatherings. Well, at least, not too much.
9. Seniors don’t have seniority, not at all. Just like in the US, they don’t want us to call ‘Kak’. One campus, one BI. No one labels us by “sok pintar” when we express our aspirations. Because in that campus, they do.
10. One batch only has 300ish students. Lecturers are close to you. Lecturers know you. Even the executive dean knows you. All lecturers know that I established The Cure For Tomorrow, for God’s sake!
11. 90% BI graduates last year have been accepted in companies before they had their graduation ceremony. Two of them got $2,500 as their first salary. Some of them got into Stern and Stewart accounting firm in Singapore, and there was even a graduate who now works in Google. The key? Personal recommendations. No, they don’t let you use Binus Career. They recommend you to companies.
12. We are taught to think and work like Western people, but we are also taught to act like Eastern people. Beautiful.

I dare to say that I don’t regret this decision. Not at all. Yes, I tried my best to get into UI. Right. But, I know, whenever I got into college, I can be a successful person if I want to. I am sure that in this place, I would be able to grow. I will be something special instead of being drowned in the ocean of people, or unnecessary “nongkrong-nongkrong” just like what high-schools had.

Maybe you will spit on this decision. But this is,

My choice. My world. You only read the story.

Dua hari ini saya melaksanakan Ujian Masuk Bersama (UMB), tepatnya di SMKN 3 Jakarta, diantarjemput oleh Ibu. Hari ini, kami makan siang di Mie Ayam Gondangdia yang beken itu, dan mampir di TPU Tanah Kusir untuk ziarah ke makam Oma (sekalian minta doa supaya keterima di FHUI, amin!).

Karena tinggal di dua rumah dengan shared backyard bersama Oma, boleh dibilang, saya dekat sekali dengan beliau. Jadi, ketika beliau meninggal 2 tahun lalu, saya merasa begitu kehilangan. Tapi ya, mungkin memang sudah waktunya.

Saya pernah membaca tulisan tentang role model, ditulis oleh Weggie di sini. Saya punya role model, tentu. Orang yang saya look up to, memicu saya untuk mencetak prestasi sebanyak-banyaknya. Mungkin akan terdengar klise, tetapi orang-orang ini adalah orang-orang yang ada di keluarga saya. Walau di media seringkali ditulis bahwa saya mengidolakan Anita Roddick (itu karena waktu itu saya ditanya “aktivis lingkungan” mana yang saya idolakan) atau Bruce Lee (itu karena jurnalisnya asal tulis mentang-mentang saya tulis nama Bruce Lee di blog ini :p), role models saya yang sebenarnya, selain Ibu, adalah Aki dan Oma: Prof. Dr. R. H. Moenadjat Wiratmadja (b. 1921) & Hj. Fatidar Moenadjat (b. 1925).

Aki’s books and a pic of him :)

Saya tidak pernah bertemu dengan Aki. Sebab, Aki meninggal di tahun 1980, dan hanya melihat 1 dari 16 cucunya (saya cucu ke-9). Saya hanya bisa mendengar cerita-cerita tentang Aki dari Oma, baik cerita yang romantis, lucu, sampai inspiratif. Saya suka semuanya. Singkatnya, Aki adalah dokter ahli bedah plastik pertama di Indonesia. Ia lulus dari FKUI tahun 1958 , lalu melanjutkan pendidikan ke Washington University/Barnes Hospital di Amerika. Sekembalinya ke Indonesia, Aki mengajarkan ilmu bedah plastik kepada mahasiswa Indonesia (no wonder Tompi visited my grandma when she was hospitalized!). Nama beliau diabadikan sebagai nama unit khusus perawatan luka bakar di RSCM. Aki dikukuhkan menjadi profesor pada tahun 1979, mendapat cucu pertama Februari 1980, dan meninggal Juli 1980. :(

Setelah itu, Oma terus bertahan hidup dan mengurus keenam anaknya dengan sabar, tabah dan terus berikhtiar. Beliau tidak menyelesaikan kuliah kedokterannya (kata Aki, urus keluarga saja… :D), tapi bisa membesarkan anak-anaknya sampai menjadi, alhamdulillah, sesukses sekarang. Ada yang bekerja di World Bank, menjadi interior designer, dokter, sampai art director! Hanya berbekal ketelatenannya dalam jahit-menjahit dan berhemat. Beliau berhasil bertahan selama 27 tahun tanpa Aki. Berhasil melihat cucu pertama beliau juga jadi dokter!

Jadi, pada hari itu, ketika Oma sudah terbaring kaku di atas sebuah ranjang dari kayu, di ruang tamu rumahnya (yang sekarang jadi rumah saya), saya mengaji di sebelahnya, menangis. Terus membaca sebanyak yang saya bisa, supaya beliau diberi tempat terbaik disana. Lalu, saya menghapus airmata itu, berkata padanya, “I promise, Oma. I will make you proud. I will. I promise.”

Itu terjadi tanggal 3 September, 2007.

Tadi saya berada di sebelah Oma lagi, bahkan juga di sebelah Aki. Tidak menangis. Hanya berbicara dari dalam hati, bercerita tentang  apa saja yang sudah terjadi pada Ibu, pada keluarga saya, pada adik-adik, dan terutama sekali… pada saya. Kadang-kadang, saya setengah mati berharap bahwa ia masih ada di sini, di dekat saya, di suatu tempat yang bisa saya lihat, di suatu tempat yang bisa saya hampiri ketika rapor saya dibagikan, ketika saya mendapat piala atau piagam, ketika saya ulangtahun, ketika saya dimarahi Ibu… Lalu saya berpikir lagi, saya yakin bahwa ia sebenarnya selalu ada di dekat saya, bukan?

Saya melihat nama Aki sekali lagi. Prof. Dr. R. H. Moenadjat Wiratmadja. Or maybe his name is longer than that. Janji saya pun bertambah hari ini. Ketika nanti saya tumbuh lebih tua, dan lebih dewasa, saya harus bisa seperti Aki: menjadi orang yang berguna, menjadi orang yang dihormati, dan menjadi orang yang dikenang.

He lives in you, he lives in me. He watches over everything we see, into the water, into the truth, in your reflection. He lives in you.

Tentang video:
Video ini adalah penampilan “mini” dari “The Lion King” versi Broadway, di acara Rosie O’Donell sebelum Tony Awards 1998 di mana mereka memperolah 11 nominasi. Listen to Mufasa’s voice, sounds like who? Saya nonton versi “Inggris” dari drama musikal ini di Lyceum Theatre. I spent a lot of money, and I don’t regret it. The feeling was even better than going to those football stadiums, especially if you’re a Disney maniac like me! :)

I cried today. And no, it’s not about relationshits.

Saya begitu bersemangat menghadapi “masa depan”, dalam hal ini, kuliah. Saya apply untuk full scholarship ke beberapa universitas di luar negeri, seperti Ritsumeikan APU dan Wesleyan. Saya juga ingin datang ke international education expos, meskipun belum kesampaian karena selalu bentrok dengan acara lain.

Hari ini Ibu bilang, bahwa kalaupun saya menerima beasiswa ke luar negeri, ia tidak akan mampu membiayai kehidupan saya di sana. Bahwa daripada berandai-andai, lebih baik tidak usah sama sekali. Bahwa ia tidak ingin mengecewakan saya.

Saya bilang, saya sudah tahu hal itu sejak lama. Tapi saya tetap coba apply untuk scholarship ini, tentu saja untuk kedua orangtua saya. Supaya mereka bangga.

Kalau orang lain percaya saya bisa, saya ingin orangtua saya tahu. Saya pun ingin tahu kualitas diri saya, apakah saya cukup baik untuk bisa terpilih menjadi kandidat penerima beasiswa. Apakah saya cukup kompeten? Saya hanya ingin tahu, dan tidak apa-apa jika saya tidak jadi sekolah di luar negeri. Yang penting, jangan bunuh mimpi saya. Yang penting, Ibu bisa bilang, “Eh, anak gue dapat beasiswa untuk sekolah di Jepang lho.” Itu adalah mimpi saya yang mutlak. Semenjak saya beranjak ke usia remaja, itu adalah mimpi yang selalu tersangkut di kepala. Saya ingin membuat Ibu dan Papa bangga. Mereka bukan tipe orangtua yang selalu mendampingi anaknya ikut lomba. Bukan pula yang menceritakan prestasi anaknya ke orang-orang lain. Tapi, mereka selalu ada di belakang saya, mendukung saya, meski mungkin hanya secara moril. Itu sudah lebih dari cukup.

Ibu bilang, hatinya teriris setiap kali beliau mendengar saya mau mengirim aplikasi beasiswa. Setiap kali saya ingin datang ke pameran pendidikan. Setiap kali saya membicarakan prestasi saya yang mungkin mendukung hal ini.

Saya akan berusaha sekuat tenaga, karena semua pasti ada jalan-Nya. Kalau saya diterima, siapa tahu saya bisa dapat scholarship yang mendapat “bonus” living cost. Saya bisa kerja di sana, atau menghasilkan uang dulu di Indonesia dari menulis. Yang penting niatnya, pasti Tuhan akan memberi kesempatan, bukan? Saya sangat percaya itu. Karena itulah, saya selalu berani bermimpi.

Saya bilang, “Bu, aku cuma mau mencoba. Siapa tahu bisa diterima. Kalaupun diterima tapi nggak diambil pun nggak apa-apa, yang penting Ibu bangga.”

Dan Ibu berkata, “Ibu akan sangat sedih kalau kamu bisa menerima beasiswa tapi Ibu nggak bisa memenuhi cita-cita kamu. Kamu mampu, tapi Ibu nggak mampu.”

Saya menjawab, “Ibu, kalau sampai aku bisa menerima beasiswa untuk sekolah di luar negeri. Itu artinya, tanpa ke luar negeri pun, Ibu telah berhasil mendidik aku dengan baik dan benar. Ibu telah memberiku pendidikan yang layak.”

Saya menatap ke luar jendela. Mobil yang berlalu-lalang. Jalan tol yang rasanya tidak habis-habis. Dengan airmata yang menggumpal di sudut mata, lalu pecah dan jatuh ke pipi. Tanpa suara. Apapun yang selama ini saya lakukan, semata-mata saya lakukan untuk membuat Ibu bangga. Bukan buat saya, bukan untuk uang. Bukan supaya hati Ibu teriris.